The Unsinkable MarySue
by ALCORE MORTIS
Summary: Leave this story lie... Unless you're planning on using it to hit something with.
1. The Beginning

It was a dark and stormy night. The wind lashed the shrunken trees and steadily ripped off their bark. Thunder crashed. A girl screamed for apparently no reason. Lightening struck the steeple of the ancient church, blackening it to a crisp. And… Raven Hunter was born.

Once she was born, the birds sang their sweetest songs and the angles wept with glee. The flowers danced in the sunlight and the all the little animals brought her nuts and berries and left them at her doorstep. However, something was amiss…

The girl had wings.


	2. Featuring Features

Disclaimer (we were too ditzy to put one in last time): We are almost innocent fanfiction writers…almost. We don't own POTC, but we've seen it several (million) times.

20 YEARS LATER

_Her parents were horrified, of course. Not that there was anything wrong with wings, of course. But, she was deformed. On the left side, a snowy white angel wing elegantly sprouted from her back. On the right a large, hulking, midnight black bat wing had burst out of her back. She was pale…too pale. But, her hair was jet black, her lips, the color of a blooming rose. Her eyes, deep purple, the color of royalty. _

_These eyes were wide and expressive, and when she cried they were like little jewels swimming in the sea of her tears. Even at the tender age of a few hours they showed depth and wisdom. They sparkled, gleaming with unrepressed determination. Her parents lost their horrified stance as they realized their daughter would grow up to do great things. _

_Finally, her father spoke. Even after all these years Raven Hunter could still remember the exact words, "She's destined for great things."_

_Raven's mother sadly replied, "But…the union between an angel and a vampire is forbidden. As the offspring of such an affair, our poor little jewel will be persecuted. We must do something."_

_"You're right," Raven's angelic father said, "we must leave her in the care of mortals…until her twenty- first birthday that is. Only then will she be truly accepted." Then Raven's vampirish mother reached into her cape and withdrew a gold medallion. _

"_I found this in a cave somewhere in an area that the mortals call 'The Caribbean,' perhaps it will be useful in her new life…in an respect, we'll be able to track her…"_

_Her mother scooped up the baby and made as if to go, but her father stopped with the strong, forceful word, "Wait…"_

_Her mother replied in a voice saturated with intellect, "Huh?"_

"_The baby, our little cherub, still has wings. Mortals might be suspicious of a winged child." He waved his hands over Raven, and the wings disappeared._

"_WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? YOU HAVE CRIPPLED OUR CHILD!" At these words little Raven began to cry, tears bursting out of her precious purple eyes._

"_Don't you worry, my dear," he said, attempting to sooth Raven with his hand, while soothing his beloved wife with his velvety voice, "She will get her wings back on her twenty-first birthday." _


	3. Strange Meetings

Summary: More featuring of features. Raven meets a pirate ( we're not going to tell you who! It's not really that hard to guess). They fall in love… whoopdeedo! (didn't see that coming, did you?)

Disclaimer: Oh bugger! We don't own it.

She had work to do. Her job at The Drunken Mermaid started at eight. Sharp. She groaned as she got up from her nice, warm bed. She glanced in the mirror and did a double take. She was taken aback by her own beauty. Recalling her dream, she saw that she had changed much since her childhood. Her midnight hair hung down to her tiny waist. She slowly twirled a softly waved lock around her slenderly pale finger. She gazed into her deep, purple eyes. They too had changed since her childhood, they no longer held the innocence of youth but rather sorrow and knowledge of pain, for she was a barmaid who subsisted on LESS THAN MINIMUM WAGE! Controlling the anger that had welled up from seemingly nowhere and wiping the tears from her glittering amethyst eyes walked out of her small garret room to the tavern which awaited her below.

That day was not a happy day. The sailors/ pirates who came into the bar were bad tempered and rude. But that was normal everyday business. It was near noon and she was exhausted from having had customers change their orders after having carried out their previous orders out to the letter, and then late having to chase those same customers to make them pay their bills. Several beggars boys had walked in about an hour ago and caused a ruckus until she chased them out with a broom. On top of all that several small bar fights had erupted which forced her to stop whatever she was doing to break up the combatants. She was at the end of her rope, almost literally, when the worst of them all walked in.

She'd never seen him before… if she had, she would have certainly remembered such an eccentric character. He was wearing normal clothes: knee high, brown boots, thick pants, faded vest, and a dirty white shirt, all held together with a belt and sash. A very serviceable cutlass hung suspended by a baldric slung around his shoulders. She'd seen at least a hundred men identical to him… from the neck down, that is. His eyes were a rather unspectacular brown, outlined in kohl. When he spoke, she could see several gold teeth glimmering between his parted lips. His hair, however, was the most noticeable. It was braided, dreadlocked, beaded, and ponytailed. It seemed to her that every hairstyle employed on earth had somehow made it into this mass of hair.

Raven was so busy staring at the strange character's hair that she didn't immediately notice what its owner was doing. Apparently, (though she couldn't tell for sure) he was attempting to start a bar fight. He and another gentleman that Raven recognized as a frequent patron of The Drunken Mermaid, appeared to be arguing over something. _I bet it's something trivial_, she thought, with a fierce glare of her amethyst eyes. Still, those same eyes darted to a cutlass that she kept under the counter and her slender fingers delicately slipped a pistol into the large pocket of her apron.

Then, almost as soon as she had grown relaxed and started to believe that all of her precautions were silly worries, the two men, the eccentric and the patron, stood up and began shouting at each other in raised voices. Then, the eccentric, in what seemed to be a fit of rage, swiftly drew his cutlass. She was over the counter in a flash, her own cutlass seeming to materialize in her hand. In a low voice, that she thought sounded threatening, she said, "Put your weapon away whilst you're in _my_ tavern."

The eccentric, grinned, displaying his gold teeth, and replied in a very slurred voice, "And if I don't, luv?"

Raven decided that she didn't need to dignify that response with an answer. Instead, she swung at his head. He parried it easily, letting the force of her swing carry her past him, straight into a chair, which she tripped over. If possible, his grin got wider, looking for all the world like an insane Cheshire Cat. As she jumped up, he said lazily, "You shouldn't swing a blade like that, luv, and expect to come out of it well."

Raven was enraged that such a man should insult her skill so. She sprang at him, slashing wildly. In his hurry to retreat, he tripped over his own feet and fell heavily to the ground. She stabbed downward, but the other man was faster and rolled out of the way. She could hear scattered cheers from the tavern patrons and looked up to see that they had quite an audience. _Great_, she grimaced, _this is exactly what I need right now_. But, her time for thoughtful complaint was up. She whipped around just in time to parry the eccentric's next attack. Smoothly, she turned the parry into a lunge and watched with glee as he scrambled back to avoid her blade. She was disappointed that there was no blood. _Well,_ she thought, grinning,_ there's still plenty of time for that_. This time she was jerked out of her reverie by a simple twist that flicked her cutlass out of her hand. She watched as it soared across the room to land with a clatter, halfway across the room.

The man lowered his weapon and started to say something almost consoling, but Raven took no notice. She ran at him and with a jumping kick, kicked the cutlass out of his hand. It skittered across the room to join her own weapon. Thinking fast, she whipped out the pistol, which had miraculously stayed in her apron pocket throughout the entire encounter, and pointed it at the man, only to discover that he had done the exact same thing and that she was, in fact, looking down the barrel of his own weapon.

They both sputtered at the exact same time, "You cheated!"

And then, "Pirate."

She spat the word out as an accusation, while he grinned and said the same word patronizingly. They both stared at each other for a full minute before bursting out into helpless giggles. In between breaths, the man asked, "What's yer name, luv?"

Gasping, she replied, "Raven Hunter. Your's?"

He straightened, attempting to look dignified, but not quite succeeding. "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow."

Authors' Note: Sorry that there isn't much suebashing in this one. This chapter was more of a device to get Raven and Jack together. It will continue to get worse. And worse. I hope.


	4. Of Love and Pearls

SUMMARY FOR WILLIZ: After Raven Hunter fights Jack Sparrow, it seems like their love could overcome any obstacle. Will they be able to defeat their enemies _and_ retain their passion for one another?

DISCLAIMER: We don't own POTC, LOTR, or my brother's ipod and the songs upon it. We don't intend to make a profit…but if it happens….

After Jack and Raven recovered from their helpless laughter Jack asked, "Hey…would _you_ like to come onboard my ship? You're not bad with a cutlass. And I must say…I love your dishonesty."

Raven blushed and said, "I don't know what to say."

Jack cupped her delicate chin in his hand and stared at her with his eyes, chocolate orbs, melting with passion, "Just say yes."

"Your eyes make me hungry," Raven whispered.

"Then come onboard."

"…yes…"

Within the hour they were strolling down the streets of Tortuga, arm in arm, laughing about some joke that neither of them understood, but that they both thought was funny. Actually it was more like a dance into the night, for Raven left her job. She was so thrilled that she began to sing in her perfect singing voice (to the tune of the Lumberjack Song by Monty Python, even though it hadn't been invented yet.) :

I'm an ex-barmaid and I'm okay…

I cried all night and I worked all day…

I served hot meals, I cleaned the floors, I scrubbed the toilet bowls…

On Wednesdays I went shopping and bought some boots with soles…

'Cause I'm and ex-barmaid and I'm-

"-That's enough singing for now, love. Let's not tire your pretty voice," Jack grimaced, "Now, let's go to…_THE BLACK PEARL…_"

"What is the 'Black Pearl?'" asked Raven innocently.

"She is a ship, but not just any ship. She's a special ship. I'll need to introduce you to the crew, they'll need to know about their newest crew member," Jack pointed to the left of them, " Well, there she is. That's the Pearl."

Raven gasped at the awesome beauty the Pearl represented. She was black. Yes, black. Her sleek hull was obviously able to cut through water like a knife. Like a cutlass even. The beautifully polished cannons that poked their muzzles out of the numerous gun ports showed the Pearl to be deadly, as well as a vision that only the gods could produce. She sighed. Looking upon the ship was like looking upon her parents. Where were they?

TBC


	5. Meet the Crew

AUTHORS' NOTE: Our computer deleted our first draft, so we lost a lot of good material. But, we racked our brains and put together a sizable imitation, missing nothing important except the original authors' note. Enjoy (or at least pretend to)

DISCLAIMER: PEACHES! …no … wait, that's not right. Life's not fair because if it was, we'd own Pirates, LOTR, and KODAK. But, we don't.

The Black Pearl was the cleanest, shiniest, mostest beautifulest ship that Raven had ever seen. She had already remarked on its beauty in the previous chapter, but wished to make a full impression by remarking on it again. Consequently, it was also the only ship that she had ever seen, despite the fact that she'd been living in a port town all her life.

"So," said Jack as he delicately led her up the gangplank, "I should probably introduce you to the crew."

"I'd love that, Sweet Jacky," said Raven, giving his hand a "little" squeeze.

Jack winced, partly because of his new nickname and partly because his hand was being squished to a pulp, but he let both go because she was so pretty.

"Well, here's the crew," he said, pointing out the crew members as he said their names, "That's Mr. Gibbs, Mr. Cotton, Will, Elizabeth, Legolas, Artemis, Aragorn, Arwen, and Anamaria."

As Jack paused to take a breath, the fierce Anamaria made a threatening gesture at Raven and mouthed, "He's mine." Raven glared back and slowly shook her head. Sensing trouble, Jack quickly stepped between them and ushered Raven away while saying, " Anyway,… uh… you can meet the rest of the crew later."

"Who are those weird looking folk over yonder?" asked Raven, not remembering that they had already been introduced, and cleverly leaving the story line open for important information and witty dialogue. "Where did they come from?"

"Oh, them," Jack gestured dismissively at the LOTR crowd, " I found them about twenty years ago. Funny thing, they haven't aged a day since then. Come to think of it, neither have I. Or any of the crew either for that matter. Anyway, they said that they came here from someplace called Middle Earth, wherever that may be. Probably got here through a rift in the space-time continuum, or something like that. The point is: ….I forgot what the point was."

Raven began to walk over to the strange people, and was met halfway by a tall, blond, young man. "Hi," he said, "I'm Legolas Greenleaf, " completely disregarding the fact that Jack had already introduced him. "You're very beautiful," he said.

"I know," responded Raven, batting her amethyst eyes furiously. She had been in love with Jack… sorta… kinda, but now she wasn't so sure any more.

Just then, a fierce, platinum blond, silver-eyed, elven woman, dressed in full hunting gear even though it wouldn't have been practical on a ship or comfortable in the Caribbean, walked over to raven. "Hey," she said, "I'm Artemis Luna'stra, the Lord of the Rings MarySue. Back off, this one's my property!"

"No, you back off! I'm in love with her!" said Legolas uncharacteristically.

"No, you back off! I was introduced to her first!" said Will, who, up until this time, had quietly been making eyes at Raven, much to the annoyance of Elizabeth.

Jack was getting worried. **He** wanted Raven. "Uh… gentlemen…" he started tentatively, but since he was so out of character, there was nothing he could do.

At that moment, Legolas drew his knife and Will drew his cutlass. Or attempted to anyway. Before it wsa even half out, Legolas had pinned him to the floor. Will gasped, "You win," and retreated to Elizabeth, who promptly beat him up. (yay!)

"Oh, Raven," said Legolas, so out of character that the earth shook from J.R.R Tolkien rolling in his grave, "Raven, my love. Now that I have won the contest in your honor, will you marry me/"

"No. I hate unnecessary violence," she said sweetly.

Jack snorted and mumbled, "Didn't think that way when she fought me in the tavern."

"That was necessary."

Jack started. He didn't think she'd heard. Legolas, on the other hand, had a distraught expression on his face. He pulled out his knife again and said, "Then, I must die."

Artemis, long forgotten, shouted, "Nooooooooo!" and jumped on Legolas' back, wrested the knife out of his grip, and said, "Legolas! I still love you!"

In spite of her declaration (or perhaps because of it) Legolas whipped out a second knife and attempted to stab himself. But, because of his superhuman reflexes, he was unable to commit seppuku, though he tried again and again. Eventually, he got so frusterated that he gave up. "Oh, well," he said gloomily, "I guess I can settle for second best."

Artemis, completely dropping the tough elven woman routine, swooped down and kissed him on the forehead and exclaimed, "I knew you'd turn to my side!" before smothering him with kisses.

Legolas gasped out, "I meant Galadriel!"


	6. The Cliff

Disclaimer: We don't own PotC. We don't own Melee Island either. We don't own the world. But that might change.

Summary: Enter a Marty-Stu. Much happiness. Sorry to all those JackOC people out there but, we sort of felt sorry for Jack. Mary Sues are much too intense for normal people. –Leave this story lie…. Unless you're planning on using it to hit something with.

During the next year, Raven went on many adventurous adventures with Jack, those from Middle Earth, and the rest of the crew. None shall be mentioned here.

On one of those adventures they landed on Melee Island ™ where Raven met a mysterious person. This mysterious person was also exceedingly handsome as well as mysterious. He had platinum blond hair that made Legolas' look like old cheese, a perfectly formed face, and blue eyes with little white spikes in them. He was tall and dressed in black pants, a white shirt, and a black coat. The coat matched the pants (A/N: For those skeptical readers, this is also known as a suit , but unfortunately suits had not been formally invented yet. As a result, the word 'suit' is expressedly forbidden in context).

Raven was intrigued. Very intrigued. So inexplicably intrigued that she left Jack in a corner and ran towards the mysterious gentleman, batting her big amethyst eyes furiously, "Oh mysterious gentleman! I love you! My name is Raven. Raven Hunter. Please honor me with your name!"

He took a masculine pose. A very masculine pose. "My lovely flower, " he said, "I am Darius de la Darke, Prince of Whales. I can turn into a whale! Don't you think that's cool?"

"What is this 'cool' that you speak of? I am quite warm," said Raven, confusion welling in her big eyes.

Darius smacked his hand against his forehead as he heard Fourth Wall crashing down nearby.

"Are you okay?" asked Raven, with a concerned look on her face.

"Yes…yes…."

Suddenly, the intoxicated (and yes, wildly out of character) Jack Sparrow showed up (after creatively bumping into everything within a 10 meter radius) and said, "Who the HELL are you?"

"I'm Raven!" Raven sobbed, "Don't you remember me?"

"No! You." Jack tried, rather unsuccessfully, to point at the right person. Finally, he gave up. "Alright," he said, "I think I'll just go over there," he made some extraneous hand gestures, "And be cuckolded by myself."

He went.

Then Raven fell off a cliff.

A/N We have **_no_** idea where the cliff came from…


End file.
